Contemplations of the Ghostlike

When your invisible to all the world but see yourself in the mirror.

As long as you are not hurting anyone (including pets), I don't care what your doing.

Frankly due to things that happened to me when I was younger, I have spent a good portion of my life alone, secluded, and not around “people”...I never much cared what anyone did, as long as no one (including pets as I said) got/gets hurt.

Now I live in a place where no one has much more to do than gossip.

The neighbor watches when the car leaves, comes back, when you mow the lawn, get visitors, dog barks...you name it the folks around you...someone is paying too much attention.

Sometimes I want to scream “get a life”...but they choose to observe yours rather than live theirs.

I go to visit an older couple, who will openly watch the neighbors, tell you what they do when, and ponder (while your there) how those kids that arrived 3 weeks after the initial couple got there, belong there, but they always seem to be there.

One neighbor is a lay-about, who deserved to have his wife leave him, and the others finally bought a hot tub, instead of renting one.

I do not delude myself into thinking that these folks are “special” or different than many of the other neighbors we have, it just brings me to the point of wanting to put up walls around my yard so that I have some privacy.

Anyone suffering from anxiety in its many forms, will agree that this is now conducive to “relaxing”...when they are mowing the boulevard I have this feeling of invasion/pressure, that encourages my dog and I to find a place to cocoon ourselves...someone I don't know “inside” the house? We are locked in the bedroom for the duration...this is my space...the only space we can relax.

I can't ride a bike...vertigo notwithstanding...the lack of “cover”, being out in the open, makes the whole attempt fail from the word go.

Summer is the time of the local “peepers” to get their gossip on.

The sad thing is, as they talk about others to me, I wonder what they are saying to others about me?

And I am reticent to return for another visit...go outside to do yard-work...interact with small minds/big mouths about me.

I hate being sick...see the Dr. then she gives you antibiotics, sends you for blood work and xrays...by the time you get home your wiped out but can't sleep.

My dog...she is a very smart, devoted, loyal, loving dog...not that she does not have foibles, or imperfections. Frankly, I wish I had as few imperfections as she does...and I realize that her imperfections stem from my anxieties.

As we settle in to watch some t.v. I listen to her breathing, much like a snore...but she is awake...which worries me.

I wake up to listen and make sure I hear her breathing.

Love my baby.

Feelings...are subjective...they are not proof... ...because we FEEL something is a certain way does not make it a fact.

We all live in our own bubbles of reality, sometimes our bubbles touch others but they keep us isolated...separate...safe...alone...depressed...alive...pick a description that fits.

I can not understand what someone in some other country is feeling, surviving, enjoying, thinking...we can empathize...but we are not them...you are not me.

I think that is what enables stigma, judgements on others...censure...abuse.

No one can claim to know my life, I can not claim to know theirs.

Surveillance cameras and dogs

Saying my dog means the world to me is like saying we need air to live, she is the nucleus of my world.

She has health issues, and I worry (no really? someone with social/general anxiety and ptsd worries?), so I got web cams to keep an eye on her while I am at work.

One day, I peaked in at her from work and found her sitting on the bed, staring right at the webcam. Fixed. Long.

Now, nothing has changed, except she spends all day in the 2 places none of the web cams can view.

She hates having her picture taken... ...and now apparently she is avoiding surveillance.

I am wearing a dog... ...if we get any closer she is going to be typing for me.

This is an indication of thunder somewhere in the storm overhead, she hears it way before me...so I get to spend time cuddling the usually semi aloof Rhodesian Ridgeback that I adore to pieces, and who keeps me sane.

She is a beauty.

Water toxicity... ...why it irritates me when people go on about drinking a gallon of water a day on a challenge... ...when they really mean ½ that, and do not go into the facts about water toxicity.

I am all for positive changes to help improve health, but this also comes with awareness of others when you start to promote it.

In 2002, a Boston Marathon runner died of hyponatremia, “a condition often resulting from over hydration, which depletes essential minerals from the body, causing disorientation, illness and in rare cases, death.”

You would think that this would be something we knew about but even spell check wants to tell me that hyponatremia, is wrong and change it to hypothermia.

To prove how little people noticed the initial incident, even those doing marathons, in 2018 a runner in the London Marathon collapsed due to the same thing, however she survived.

I don't know where the saying comes from, but “too much of a good thing CAN kill you”, that includes that which most of us take for granted: Water.

You see those warnings on almost everything we buy, don't do such n such, and laugh...but those warnings exist because someone probably did it, or something much like it. Most of the laws that exist are not for the people who do things right, they are for the individuals that are challenged in the common sense department.

When we discuss how good a thing can be, like drinking water, we should include a note about not going overboard...because some people do think if a little bit is good, a whole lot must be better.

The conversation about the great benefits of water, need to include the negatives, because even after a death at the Boston Marathon, someone in the London Marathon nearly did the same thing.

Just a thought.

Truth

No one owns truth, there is no your truth, my truth or their truth...truth is.

Versions of events, are not our truths, because truth is not subjective, it is what it is..much as I hate that phrase.

My version of events, is not my truth, it is what I know about what happened.

If you ask someone a question about something they say happened, some will say “it's my truth”...no it is what you remember or perceived of what happened.

Eye witness testimony has been known to be “false” because it is from a subjective personal viewpoint, shaded by perception of anything that may influence recall, or viewpoint.

Everything has more than 1 subjective view if there is more than a video camera involved.

Blank page

If a mind can buffer like a streaming movie I think mine is the words twist fade and start over

How the little things really rule nature.

Somewhere, in the past, there were these not so brilliant explorers, migrating people, and I venture to bet, not just a few that took the wrong turn and ended up setting up camp in a new undiscovered place and then named it...whatever.

I look around at the land type, indigenous bugs, insects, critters and weather and say WTF were you thinking?

On what plane of existence does it make sense to build a town, now city, at the forks of 2 rivers, in swampy land????

With the vast numbers of mosquitoes in certain areas of our province you would mistake us for some other idealistic sunny humid vacation destination, but no it's just Manitoba.

Why people ever stayed is beyond me, had they moved on to say...B.C. well...we would all understand that right?

From Sept to April your either in wet/cold, or horrendously cold/snowed climates, and in April you switch to wet/windy/cold...ice showers, rain and ice, fog, snow, tornadoes, sun...and then...wood-ticks/heart-worm/mosquitoes/thunderstorms/lightning/tornadoes...then heat/thunderstorms/lightning/tornadoes/mosquitoes/wood-ticks....summer is bug and tornado avoidance season, straight into Sept...where we start all over again.

I am not going to go into the pothole epidemic which makes the newly snow cleared roads of this province so full of holes, that you want snow back so your car has a chance at retaining good quality shocks/tires/suspension et all...no don't mention sink holes...lets go back to the little things that rule the summer.

BUGS

People who are either blessed with the blood that the vampiristic insects don't like, or they are too new to realize it, but when someone says we use to spend all our time outside...no...you use to build smudges for horses to stand in so that running from mosquitoes did not kill them from exhaustion because they never stop, well during the 100° heat they tend to leave you alone but the flies do not...the wood-ticks don't care they are the mini mugger of nature, bounding onto whomever innocently wanders by and looking for a spot to set up shop.

People make the mistake of thinking that we control the world, but we don't...when you step outside you are entering the war-zone of nature...go into the bush and you can join in the man v.s. bug conflict...and tongue in cheek aside, considering we spray areas from the air, or mobile foggers...how does it not seem like a war-zone?

What else on the planet, besides a really irritating individual with a feather tickling your nose in your sleep, can make you slap yourself repeatedly, and mostly miss what you were trying to kill? Yet, no one thinks it is odd, or out of place?

We were fixing fence once, and my mother wore a bright yellow shirt, when we finished she was covered with over 20 wood-ticks (I don't wear yellow). Of course, nowadays there are maladies spread by all these little critters that I don't recall even being a concern.

Ah...and if that all wasn't enough, humans are dumb enough to import another problem, “Asian Lady Bugs”, the bane of any dogs' existence.

It is lovely out, just the time you want to go out, mow the lawn, watch the lightning, let the 80km/h winds blow off the cobwebs, walk the dog along the lake...and then inspect yourself and your companion for the mighty mini minions of nature...make sure the dog has wood-tick and flea protection.

Soon the dog is going to experience the wood-tick, and insist upon watching it be flushed, just as it has to witness the demise of the hated asian lady bug...find a pet friendly repellent and prepare for the war of summer.

Again, what were they thinking to settle here?

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