Soul diminishing relegation.
I work with someone that the boss wants to fire because of really bad performance (which is why I got the job I have, to try to help them last a year), yet this “victim of whatever gets her out of the current mess”, is a daily fixture.
Resentment? No. Awareness, yes.
She pretended to be friendly yet all the while tried to blame her mistakes on me...funny as being new I made almost none and...admitted mine. Then she goes into the childlike refusal to accept responsibility, denial, tears, screaming, slamming, banging...flouncing out...leaving everyone feeling tired of the whole situation.
Not sure what the status will be when I get to work Thursday, but she would not speak to me the last time we worked together, but I blamed it on the boss for writing her up, then found out he had not.
Anyone besides me developing a new twitch?
So...today we mowed the lawn with my mini lawn mower...and contemplated finding another job.
I am trying to figure out if, all my life, I have been relegated.
In my relationship I am, which is why there is a thread of “ending” entwined in it.
Growing up I was, but then I was always doing something out somewhere and never thought much on it.
Previous relationships, yes, they relegated me too...it is well passed time to say enough...relegation kills.
It drains your dreams, your hopes, your self worth, confidence, abilities, and diminishes the future to...nothing.
A cycle that needs changing.
Then again, it is not easy for someone with P.T.S.D, social and general anxiety to flounce out the door and change...because first you have to get out the door right?
Ah the boulder in the divide. cork in the bottle ruffle in the feather bath in the dog...well from the dog's point of view in most cases.